Kurdanina Smahlt
by Darth Vyper
Summary: Kurda's sick and he is instantly shipped off to Evanna's for a cure ,only to find himself turned into a Mary Sue! A one shot drabble featuring three pheremone charged men and a traumatised Kurda!


_Hi! I'm trying to write a one shot fic for a change , so I hope you guys will enjoy this. I'll update my other story "The Chatroom" by the end of this week , so stay tuned! Enough of me hogging the page , it's time for you lot to start reading!_

**Disclaimer : I own them ! Mwahahahahahahaha! ( Larten whacks the authoress on the head with Kurda's cartography kit ) Ow….. I own- ( the authoress cowers as Larten reaches for a frying pan ) NO! NOT THE FRYING PAN! I DON'T OWN THEM , I DON'T! HAVE MERCY! **

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All was well in vampire mountain. Everything couldn't be dandier in Mika's opinion. He was just enjoying a warm mug of blood on a chair by his coffin , completely content that nothing would dampen his day. No pesky generals seeking advice , no prince duties , no fretting about the upcoming investiture , no worries about Darren's trials …….yup , nothing , absolutely nothing could ruin this perfect day , of course that was until…..

"ACHOOOOO!"

Mika swore as the whole mountain shook. He caught a few guards scampering outside , running for cover.

"ACHOOOO!"

This time Mika fell off the chair and landed hard on his butt.

"Ow!' he exclaimed as he massaged his aching coccyx.

Larten rushed by his quarters , did a double take as he spotted Mika on the floor and raced into his room.

"Sire , are you alright ?" Larten asked as he hauled Mika to his feet.

"Never better ," he muttered , clearly displeased.

"ACHOOOO!"

Larten jumped and Mika toppled over his coffin. Bits off dust fell from the ceiling and swirled in circles. Mika quickly picked himself up.

"Who in the name of Khledon Lurt is causing this ?" he spat , brushing dust from his black shirt.

"I don't know ," Larten replied , just as Arrow burst in , followed by Paris , Vanez , Arra , Darren , Seba , Harkat , Gavner , a few generals and a dozen guards.

"ACHOOOO!"

Mika slipped on a carpet rug and fell backwards . The rest of them just jumped except for Paris who shouted something out which pretty much sounded like , " Hawaiian chick pizza gay chicken tampon!"

"Mika , are you alright ?" asked Arrow as he pulled his fellow prince back to his feet.

"Just dandy !" he growled , as the whole mountain shook.

"What in Charna's name is going on ?" asked Gavner as the others shrugged.

Just then , an excited guard wheezed in screaming hysterically , " Sire ! Sire ! I found out who caused the earthquake !"

"Lead the way !" said Paris as the whole population of vampires in the mountain followed the guard to a chamber at the far corner.

Mika knocked the door and entered when a bleary " Come in " resounded from inside.

Kurda had a nasty bout of flu. It was quite rare actually , considering the fact that vampires almost never get sick. He had been sneezing non stop for the past few days , and his nose was sore and red.

"ACHOOOO!"

He moaned as he stuffed another tissue into his nostril. Not that it helped though.

"ACHOOOO!"

The tissue shot out like a javelin and made a gross squishy sound as it hit the opposite side of the room and stuck there , next to a hundred tissue balls which have already peppered the wall.

"Infernal flu ," he cursed just as he sneezed yet again.

"ACHOOOO!"

Just then , there was a loud rap on his door followed by lots off hushed voices.

"Come in ," he said briefly as the whole population of vampire mountain burst into his room.

"Kurda Smalht ," said Mika gravely as he saw Kurda lurched forward , preparing for another sneeze.

"He is gonna blow !" screamed Vanez as all the vampires tried to rush for freedom , but ended up falling on each other like a stack of dominos.

"ACHOOOO!"

Mika somehow ended up on Gavner's chest and and Arra was in Larten's arms , clinging on to him for dear life. Mika turned crimson as he got up but went green as Gavner shot him a sexy smile and batted his eyelashes.

_Uh oh_ ……. Kurda thought mentally as Mika turned on him.

" Flu …. Earthquake……. cure …Evanna…..leave…..now " was all that managed to escape from his enraged state.

Mika then said dangerously , " The last four to leave this room will accompany him ."

Everyone scrambled towards the door , keen to avoid the trip to Evanna's. Kurda shuddered . The last time Larten went for some soar throat medication , Evanna gave him a concoction which made him sing Britney Spears for the next three days. Clearly he was the first to make a beeline towards the door , but Gavner tripped him and the both of them crashed into Vanez who had Darren by the ankle. All four were left behind as the rest of the vampires escaped.

"Oh no ….." Larten groaned , thinking of all the dreadful things that was probably going to happen at Evanna's.

_Three days later …… _

All five of them had already arrived at Evanna's and needless to say , they were all very edgy. Kurda kept his eyes on the pot Evanna was stirring as she added bits of herbs , mandrake root , daisy stems and a tin of slimy goo into the mixture. Larten was nervously playing "Go Fish" with Vanez who seemed to be losing for the first time this decade. Gavner was relieving himself outside , deciding he did not want to witness this. Darren was offering Kurda stacks of tissues , to which he was grateful for.

"It is finished ," exclaimed Evanna cryptically as Kurda made a sound like a cat being strangled.

Darren , Larten and Vanez froze as Evanna brought a cup full of the cure and prompted Kurda to drink. Kurda stared at the murky contents of the cup and drained it in one gulp , ignoring what looked like a nail clipping in his drink. For a while nothing happened , that was until his chest felt heavy and he had the urge to hook up with a man.

"Whoa……" said Darren as his jaw dropped.

Vanez looked him up and gave a seductive grin while Larten gaped at him in awe.

"Hmph….I must have added to much toad spawn …." muttered Evanna as she looked at him weirdly.

"What's wrong ?" asked Kurda , only to be left horrified as his voice came out shrill and squeaky.

He raced towards the nearest mirror only to find a perfect blonde female with luscious red lips , ivory smooth skin , soft golden ringlets , baby blue eyes , a thin nose , slender curves and a D size bust staring back at him .

"OH MY GOD ! I'M A FREAKING MARY SUE !"

He promptly fainted.

_Half an hour later…._

Kurda or rather _Kurdanina _was whining the whole time . Gavner had actually tried to kiss him , mistaking him to be a hot chick brought in for entertainment.

"Get off me Gavner Purl !" yelled Kurda .

"Oh , come on …..I just want some love …."

"Gavner , it's me you idiot !"

"Just one kiss…"

"NO ! EVANNA !"

"Gavner , that is actually Kurda -" said Darren tiredly as poor Kurda struggled against him.

"Or rather _Kurdanina_ ," snickered Larten as he shot a sexy smile towards Kurda.

"Hey !" yelled Kurda as Gavner jumped off him and Vanez sat on his lap. ( Vanez apparently poked Gavner's butt with a pin to get him off Kurdanina )

"My turn ! I wanna kiss !" Vanez screamed as Larten tried to tear him away from Kurda .

"No way ! It is my turn to kiss Kurdanina !" retorted Larten .

"Why don't we all share her ?" suggested Gavner.

"No way !" said Larten , dismissing the idea.

"I know !The quickest one to catch her wins !" dismissed Vanez as all three of them scrambled after a screaming Kurda .

"EVANNA!"

Unfortunately , Gavner Purl managed to procure Kurdanina and Larten and Vanez dejectedly left as she was left to the mercy of the patchy-skinned general for the whole night until the potion finally wore off. You can imagine the trauma Kurda had to go through though……

_3 weeks later …………_

"You know Darren , no one actually told me what happened at Evanna's ," said Seba randomly one night.

Darren snickered.

"Yeah , and why does he run away from Gavner each time he sees him ?" pitched in Arra .

"Let's just say Gavner gave Kurda a little _tongue action_ to remember for the rest of his days during his Mary Sue state ," Darren replied before bursting out laughing , all though Seba and Arra looked at him blankly.

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_I know it is completely random , a bit confusing and not that funny , but I would appreciate it if those who read this could review and tell me if my short fics are better . _

**SO , REVIEW PEOPLE !**


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